Monday, April 07, 2014

ANTM 21 - Week 12 - Save The WORST For Last

Ah the final hurdle. Trust us, when we say that our critiques would have been posted a lot quicker had this not been the stupidest final photoshoot we've ever seen. We suppose GUESS pulled the budget on shooting all fourteen models so Tyra had to step in and suggest a photoshoot all about HER. But actually. Talk about some "Family Guy" Julia Roberts "ME, ME, ME!!!" shit going on. We feel bad even commenting on the contestant's photos because their shots were clearly edited around how Tyra looked. Now, that's some definite SHADE.

But before we continue allow us to comment on a string of diluted messages we recently received. Needless to say they went something along the lines of: "Jourdan is the best. You guys suck. You don't know fashion. She won the show so you're wrong. Blah, blah, blah." The reason why we don't respond to such gussy-ass whining is because we have nothing to prove to you. These are OUR opinions and we don't need to justify them to anyone. Also, this is CYCLE 21. Move forward for Christ sake! Anyone who feels the need to defend the mediocrity of Cycle 20 and has enough time to post SIX comments should definitely pick up a new hobby.

Trust us, we take Top Model very lightly and anyone who feels insulted by what we post is just a product of the overly offended generation. So divert your attention baby-ears, because here comes some unfiltered truth.

From MEDIOCRE to GARBAGE let's see who Tyra upstages and who Tyra looks better than.


BEST PHOTO: WILL




This is probably the best photo from the shoot. Note how are voices all rise when saying that. Let's face it, none of the shots are even worthy of "8's" this week but we had to try. Will takes the top spot for being one of the few models who upstaged Tyra. Our eyes go immediately to him for better or worse. We think he looks soft, focused and there's a slight hint at a little smoulder going on. We go back and forth on whether or not he looks stoned but Tyra's crazy eyes are definitely telling us that she's trippin' balls after her visit with the magic dragon. Will, on the other hand, just looks like he has a serious case of the munchies.

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

ANTM 21 - Week 11 - Impersonating Real Models

We hate nothing more then when Top Model forces us to repeat the same critical dribble about one specific aspect of the show. Talk about beating an already dead badger. However, it looks like ANTM is in serious need for a new creative director. Resembling two famous AMERICAN celebrities surrounded by neon lights and hordes of people. Seriously? Hmmm...That could have easily been done in...oh we don't know... maybe...TIME SQUARE! Way to take the models to Korea and show off nothing culturally relevant about the country. But that's Top Model for you, doing everything it can to tip-toe back inside its American packaging.

From BEST to WORST let's see who's a hunk of burning love and who's giving us the seven year bitch.


BEST PHOTO: MATTHEW & MIRJANA (tie)




The key to this photoshoot was to transcend its gimmicky veneer and deliver something that didn't come across as hokey pokey. Matthew did just that. James Dean anyone? Matthew is smokin' hot here and he was the only male model to really embody the essence of a 1950's greaser. Handsome, brooding and filled with a smouldering allure. His facial expression has just enough edge, the pose is absolutely fantastic and despite the fact that there is a motorcycle and a plethora of girls around, we can't take our eyes off of him. This is without a doubt, one of the best photos this cycle and has only solidified that Matthew is a fantastic model.

Random Video of the Day: The Elephantine Elegance of QVC

We're really starting to date ourselves with all of this MADtv rehashing but we can't help but want to share some of these skits, which have us cackling at 2am in our apartment. This parody of the ever popular QVC straddles the line of humour and insult as Stephnie Weir and her co-host critique several runway outfits for big girls. Not only is this skit outrageous but it's great to see the comediennes crack up several times during the taping. Our personal favourite quote is from 2:20-2:27 but this video is chalked full of many more. Enjoy!

Friday, March 28, 2014

ANTM 21 - Week 10 - Tweaked Out Tourists

Since arriving in South Korea, we're not going to lie, the photoshoots have been extremely lame. As it stands, Korea's Next Top Model is one of the best versions of ANTM in the world and it was silly of us to think that some of its legitimacy would rub off onto its American counterpart. Instead of showing off a part of the country that is culturally unique, ANTM decided that the world needs to know nothing more about
South Korea other than it's creation of Gangnam Style. Yes Tyra, try to hold onto any piece of pop culture relevancy that you can. Lord knows we wouldn't want this show to become even more dated. *rolls eyes*

Since our last round of critiques were so intensive, we'll try to make this post nice and concise.

From BEST to WORST let's see who's hanging with the locals and who's just an obnoxious American tourist.


BEST PHOTO: KEITH




Hmm...two above-average photos in a row. Well this certainly looks like Tyra pushing Keith to a Krista-sized win doesn't it? We said it at the end of last season, "a black guy will win so get on board". Considering the top score this week was a "25", it really only reflects how mediocre this shoot was. The pose makes Keith fill the frame and we like the tension in his body. Kevin gave him a "9" for not looking like a body builder for once. Shame he decided to do the same face (yet again!) making last week's one-dimensional comment reign true.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Random Video of the Day: Barbie Dolls of Drag Race

To herald the return of the very delayed (sorry!) Rupaul's Drag Race: Season 6 recaps, we bring you an episode of The Most Popular Girls of Drag Race, created by drag queen Honey Golightly. We stumbled on this little Youtube gem the other night and this clip, parodying an early episode of Drag Race season 5, had us in fits of laughter. Our favourite moment is Jinkx's epic freakout on MBH. If only we had actually seen this side of her when Roxxxy Andrews started acting like the bitch on wheels she was by the end of the season. Enjoy!

ANTM 21 - Week 9 - Lazy Layover

So the models went abroad to Seoul, South Korea and got to shoot in...the airport? Well that just seems ridiculously cheap but we assume this CW show blew it's load on going somewhere that can't be booked on Tropical-Vacations.com. But seriously, what a way to show off the beautiful culture of your abroad destination by shooting in a stagnant, grey metal building. Hmmm...America doesn't have any of those. Frankly, the location resembles Toronto Pearson Airport so it looks like we can pretend to go to Korea too.

From BEST to WORST let's see who's on-time and who's modelling career is DELAYED.


BEST PHOTO: MATTHEW




Matthew has been on a role these past few weeks and we're completely over whether or not he's still in the competition. He's the strongest male model at this point so Tyra can have fun scraping the bottom for someone with a sob story who takes mediocre photos. This shot is amazing. We love how Matthew is jumping in the air with 100% control of his body. He looks as if he is racing through the terminal and we would buy everything he is wearing. An important part of this shoot was the placement of the bag and we honestly think he's one of only 2-3 people who modelled it in an uncontrived way. The look in his eyes is model fierce without being unattractively angry (as you'll see below) and overall this photograph looks like a real ad.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

ANTM21 - Week 8 - Birds of Dander + Comeback Series (SPOILERS)

Sorry for the late update Rekkers but we've been extremely busy lately. If you've read our last post containing the elimination spoilers, you'll know that we are one strand of weave away from abandoning this cycle. Especially now that we discovered the identity of the Comeback Series returnee, this cycle just seems to be in a tailspin it cannot recover from. So without further ado, we present to you the ever-important spoilers.

SPOILERS: Chantelle returned to the competition. Don't ask us HOW or WHY but it looks like Tyra is actually trying to convince the general public that our fellow Canadian got more votes that Ben and Matthew. Pfft! Sorry girl, but that is HIGHLY unlikely and a real tragedy. In addition, it appears Adam might still be in the competition with Denzel being eliminated for the last photoshoot. Factoring Chantelle's return, there would be eight models still in the competition with seven going abroad afterwards.

From BEST to WORST let's see who (like Tyra's grip on reality) has flown the coop.


BEST PHOTO: SHEI




This is, without question, the BEST photo of the season. Should Shei win the whole show? No. If she keeps this up? Maybe. This is the first time we've see MODEL from Shei. For the most part, her place in the competition was reserved for being the "asian girl" and not a serious contender. We all love her energy in this shot. The movement of the feathers and her backbend is fierce and the fact that she managed to keep her face controlled the whole time is seriously impressive. It definitely doesn't hurt that the styling matches her fucked up dye job but we're sure a First-Callout from Tyra will ease the pain of looking like a carny.